CASE STUDY: From Sister to Carer and back again: Tracy’s journey with her brother Andrew
Here, Tracy shares her experience of supporting her brother Andrew through some of the biggest changes in their lives. She reflects on their journey together, the challenges they faced, and the difference the right support has made to them both.
Back to the Beginning
For more than 23 years, Andrew has been supported by CoOptions, so they’ve been part of our family’s life for as long as I can remember. I was still quite young when Andrew first started receiving support, so growing up, CoOptions were simply part of our normal. Andrew lived at home with our mum and dad, and they worked alongside our family to help him live a happy and fulfilling life.
In 2004, our world changed when we lost our dad. Andrew continued living at home with Mum, who became his primary carer, supported by the CoOptions team. It was a huge change for Andrew, and understandably, it took time for him to adjust. Looking back, one thing that really stands out is the patience the team showed. They never tried to rush him or force change before he was ready.
“The CoOptions staff met us with patience every step of the way and always worked at Andrew’s pace”.
For the next 15 years, life found a new rhythm. Then, in 2019, everything changed again when we sadly lost our mum.
Nothing prepares you for losing a parent, but alongside my own grief came another life-changing responsibility. Andrew remained in the family home and, overnight, I became his primary carer.
A Challenging Time
The transition from being a supportive sister to becoming Andrew’s full-time carer was incredibly difficult. We were both grieving, trying to process the loss of Mum whilst adapting to a completely different way of life. It inevitably changed our relationship, and there were times when neither of us knew how to navigate what we were both feeling.
Andrew became very depressed and withdrew into himself. His personal hygiene suffered, and he became increasingly unpredictable. At times, he would tell different versions of events to different people, which often created confusion and tension between myself and the CoOptions team. Looking back now, I can see that we were both struggling in our own ways.
There were days when it all felt overwhelming. But little by little, things began to change. As Andrew slowly adjusted, so did I. I realised I didn’t have to carry everything on my own, and that was largely thanks to the support around us.
“I don’t think I would be where I am today without CoOptions. They showed me how to trust again and gave me the confidence to speak up when I was struggling and needed support. People often think about the support Andrew receives, but for me, the support extended far beyond that”.
That made such a difference. Knowing I could pick up the phone, share a concern or simply ask for advice without ever feeling judged gave me the confidence to keep going. Whatever the situation, I knew my worries would be met with kindness, compassion and understanding.
Even now, if I feel Andrew is having a difficult day, I only have to let the team know. They understand him so well that they’ll adapt his day around how he’s feeling, making sure he feels comfortable, supported and able to enjoy his time with them. That reassurance is something I’ll never take for granted.
Today, Andrew spends four days each week with CoOptions, and he genuinely loves every minute of it. Two days are spent at Kit Out The Kids, where he enjoys being part of the team and heading out on the collection rounds in the van. The other two days are spent at Fferm Cornel Derwen, where he’s happiest getting stuck into the many jobs around the farm.
How Things Are Today
Outside of his CoOptions days, Andrew enjoys playing pool and watching football. He’s a keen football fan and always enjoys a good chat about the latest match.
One of his proudest achievements recently has been completing a horticulture course delivered by Adult Learning Wales. Seeing how proud he was after completing the course was incredibly special. It gave him a real confidence boost and reinforced something I’ve watched happen over the last few years – Andrew believes in himself again.
When I think back to the brother I was caring for in 2019 and compare him to the person he is today, the difference is incredible. He’s happy and takes pride in his appearance and enjoys choosing what to wear.
“Mum always liked Andrew wearing a cap in the summer and a hat in the winter, and I’ve carried that on. Anyone who knows Andrew will know he’s rarely without his cap. Continuing that little tradition always makes me think of Mum”.
He speaks up if something is bothering him instead of bottling it up, and he loves having a laugh and a chat with the staff. One of my favourite moments is hearing him come through the door after a day with CoOptions, excited to tell me everything he’s been doing. Seeing that excitement again means more than I can put into words.
Getting My Brother Back
Perhaps the biggest change of all, though, has been our relationship. For a long time, it felt like we were simply trying to get through each day. Now, we’re able to enjoy being brother and sister again. One of my favourite things about the bond Andrew and I share is a small gesture that has stayed with us throughout our lives.
“When Andrew was younger, he didn’t like holding hands, so we found our own way of showing that connection – linking fingers instead. It became our little thing, a simple gesture between brother and sister that meant so much”.
Even now, all these years later, we still do it. It’s a reminder of the bond we’ve always had and the connection that has carried us through every chapter of our lives.
Moving Forward Together
Andrew absolutely loves wrestling, so I often surprise him with tickets and we make a day of it together. We go for walks, enjoy family barbecues in the garden and spend quality time together doing the simple things that families should be able to enjoy. Of course, there are still difficult days.
“Being someone’s carer whilst also trying to maintain that brother and sister relationship isn’t always easy, and there are times when life can still feel challenging, but we’ve weathered the storm together”.
Looking back over everything we’ve been through, I honestly don’t know where we’d be without the support we’ve received over the past 23 years. CoOptions have been there through some of the most difficult chapters of our lives, always treating both Andrew and me with kindness, patience and understanding.
Having the right support in place hasn’t just changed Andrew’s life – it’s changed mine too. It has allowed me to be more than just Andrew’s Carer. It’s given me my brother back, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.
“I would highly recommend CoOptions to any parents, carers or relatives supporting a vulnerable adult. They are caring, helpful and very understanding. They genuinely care about my brothers wellbeing which gives me peace of mind”.